The state of my heart

Various excerpts from the psalms (namely psalms 22 and 31)
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?

² O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.

Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

¹² Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.

¹³ Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.

¹⁴ I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me."

"Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.

³ Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

⁴ Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.

⁵ Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.

¹⁰ My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak."

Light the darkness

My job is a dark place with little light. There are few Christians who work there. I try my best to stay away from gossip and backstabbing and the other kinds of sin that are prevalent, but lately I have been swept up with it. I dissapointed God, myself and hurt my witness. I do not confess this to you all,because I have already confessed to the Lord. That is the first, most important step after sinning. It feels like every battle I win against sin there is a battle I have lost. It reminds of the verse

1 Peter 5:8
Your adversary the devil prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

It also made me realize that the American church fails in being open about their sin. Sin would be a lot less prevalent if we were honest to our brothers and sisters.